In a society where “it’s all about who you know” social networking sites like LinkedIn are capitalizing on the fact that “relationships matter.” But for most, networking is a daunting task.



So what happens when you’re headed for a networking disaster? Does this cause you to spiral right down into the unemployment black hole? Are you permanently off the get-a-job radar?



Jessica Anne Laurino, a recent graduate of the College of Holy Cross shares a time when a networking event she attended went south.



Laurino’s story goes as follows: circa the fall of 2006, she got an email from career services describing a networking event to be held at Lehman Brothers over winter break which would be chock full of Holy Cross alums. Laurino was apprehensive to go at first, but after talking to family and friends, she decided that she and a bunch of girlfriends would sign up.



“I thought it would be a good idea to make contacts,” Laurino says. “My dad persuaded me it was a good thing to do.”



The day of the event, everything was going wrong, Laurino says. “You know when you just have one of ‘those’ days?” Laurino asks.



“Well, that day was one of them.”



Her go-to outfit was no longer an option so she went with a little black dress she had in her closet. “I put it on, and it was too low-cut,” Laurino says. “So I tried everything to close it up.”



After concealing the problems, also known as putting-on-cardigan, she went to print out her resume, which to fit in with the theme of the day, wasn’t printing.



After the printer issue was resolved, she miraculously caught her train and headed to New York City.



High heels on, resume folder under her arm, and best friends by her side, Laurino walked into the event.



She was already anxious, but pushing open the doors to find an all male crowd made her nerves even more uneasy.



“The Holy Cross students who attended were basically all junior boys,” Laurino says. “Here we are, sophomore girls, and I can’t think of a worse place to be. I’ll never forget one comment that was made: ‘Coming to check out what the big kids are doing?’ It was awful, awful, awful.”



“It was painfully awkward”, Laurino says. “And I couldn’t even have a cocktail to calm my nerves!”



In the end, Laurino admits she just wasn’t prepared. She had nothing to say and couldn’t contribute to the financial conversations. The event was hard to get through but she is alive and well today.



Elisabeth Tulley, planning to start CUNY Queen’s grad school in the fall, says she has a secret networking tool, her twin sister. Though hard at times, sometimes being a twin with the same major is beneficial.



“Being sisters and both working towards becoming math teachers is pretty hard,” Tulley says. “Where as you usually don’t know who your competition is, I have to wake up in the same room as mine everyday!”



Tulley took advantage of her sister getting called in for an interview. Her twin, Katherine, brought in a copy of Elisabeth’s resume and handed it to the interviewer following her interview.



To Tulley’s surprise, the school gave her a call and left her a voicemail saying they received her resume and if she would call them back, they could then talk further about possible summer job opportunities.



All this seems good up until now, right? Well, this is as good as it gets. Tulley says she dropped the networking ball. She called back and left the world’s most awkward voicemail.



“I basically blacked it out of my memory,” Tulley says. “But I remember ending the voicemail with ‘So, umm, yeah, this is me calling you back, bye’ or maybe that was the entire voicemail, I really couldn’t tell you.”



Needless to say, Tulley didn’t receive a call back. She tried to utilize her network and it carried her a little way, but she failed to seal the deal.



“It hurts to be so close,” Tulley says.



Lynndel Cassin, director of full-time recruiting at 24 Seven, a leading recruitment firm for the biggest names in retail, fashion, beauty, creative services, fashion, home furnishings, etc says she’s in an industry where “her whole life is networking.”



For her, a networking disaster would be a stage five clinger.



When going to an event, Cassin says, the worst is when people hang on to you. The point of a networking event is to get around, and attaching yourself at the hip won’t get you anywhere.



Another networking calamity is when people don’t follow through, Cassin says.



“My network is very special,” Cassin says. When Cassin extends a contact to someone and busts her butt to make the connection, and then that person doesn’t pursue it, Cassin feels that that’s horrible.



Besides face-to-face networking, there are also online venues which Cassin talks briefly about. Sites like LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter are becoming increasingly popular for job networking.



She shares a horror story, although not job related, but none-the-less, one that she marks as a networking debacle.



Cassin’s story goes as follows: A younger friend of hers wanted Cassin to get Facebook. Cassin gave her the green light and let her friend construct her account and her page. When browsing over it, Cassin realized her friend didn’t include her martial status. So, Cassin changed it to ‘Married’ (which she’s been for countless years to the same man) and shortly after that, her Facebook friends were commenting on this change, asking who she got remarried to, and how it was such a shame to know that her and her previous husband didn’t make it.



An inopportune disaster by any definition.



So, if you’re headed into networking oblivion, take advice from some big leaguers.



Anne Baber and Lynne Waymon, co-founders of Contacts Count, a nationwide training and consulting firm and co-authors of Make Your Contacts Count, include a chapter in their book dedicated to avoiding the top 20 networking turn-offs.



“Don’t think that networking is about talking and taking,” Waymon says. “It’s about teaching and giving. Teaching people what to come to you for, what to count on your for, what opportunities to send your way. And it’s about giving. Listening so generously that you become known for helping other people.”



Networking Turn-offs listed in their book include the following don’ts:



don’t do monologues and interrupt others

don’t insist on one-upmanship

don’t give unsolicited advice

don’t confuse contacts with friends and

don’t refuse to play the game



Waymon also suggests that networking is not a solo activity.

“Join the professional association that serves your job type or where people in your target market hang out,” Waymon says. “That’s where you’ll meet the cream of the crop and hear about the latest trends and issues in your field.”



Like Baber and Waymon, Margaret F. Dikel, Webmaster of The Riley Guide, also gives some networking don’ts.



“As for networking don’ts for young professional females,” Dikel says. “I would stick with the ideas of proper behavior for the workplace, including:



No private meetings outside of the office with persons of the opposite gender. Lunch with the boss or another colleague in a restaurant might be fine. Dinner and/or drinks in a dimly lit restaurant where he/she suggests you shouldn’t let anyone know you two are meeting, bad.



Make sure you keep your networking professional. I’m not saying that networking only happens in professional situations, but if you are connecting with people for the purpose of professional career advancement or career advice, keep those relationships professional. Yes, they may at some point become friendly relationships, but until you are comfortable with that and you are in a position where you know the other(s) respect you, then keep it strictly professional,



and;



If at any point you are uncomfortable with the amount of or type of attention you are receiving from someone, take steps to end the relationship gently. Make yourself too busy to talk on the phone or meet for lunch. If need be, elicit the aid of another person to help deflect this person.”



At the end of the day, connections are crucial. But also just as important is being comfortable and confident with yourself. My mom always says, “the worst thing a person can tell you is ‘no’, so if you already know the worst possible outcome, what are you afraid of?”