A Japanese proverb tells us that ‘the bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists,’ for when the monsoon strikes the oak breaks, while the bamboo bends but quickly recovers.

Do you, like the bamboo, tend to bend when disasters strike, or do you stay where you've been thrown?

We all have the innate capacity to manage life’s challenges, whether everyday disappointments or extraordinary disasters. Research in brain science, relational psychology and mindfulness practices demonstrate that we can change old debilitating patterns of coping encoded in our neural circuitry and develop new ways of responding to life's pressures quickly, adaptively, and effectively.

Think of people you most admire for their accomplishments. Many didn’t get where they are by sailing through life without any failures. Many distinguished themselves by their ability to get back up when they failed. In the words of Winston Churchill, "It is the courage to continue that counts;" and Albert Einstein said, "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."

One of the most exciting discoveries of our times is the growing understanding that we can each consciously engage in practices, sometimes involving only shifts in our attention and intention, that directly influence the function and structure of our brains and bodies.

We now know from the latest advances in neuroscience, that capacities for bouncing back are innate in the brain, hard-wired in by evolution. How well these capacities develop as we mature depends on our responses to our life experiences and how those experiences subsequently shape the neural circuitry and functioning of our brains – which in turn influence our responses. Whether we tend to bounce back from terrible setbacks or stay where we’ve been thrown depends on our learned patterns of responses to other people and events.

Fortunately, studies demonstrate that we can train our brain to think and perform desired behaviors. As you learn to rewire your brain, you will experience the joy of strengthening resilience.

Bouncing Back

- Strengthen optimism. You create your own life script by the thoughts you think, and you have the power to change these. Practice positive self-talk. “I like myself because ... “ “I can ... “ “I will ... “ Use positive statements about such things as being healthy, or being in control. Write affirmations. For example, “I can change ... “ Don’t criticize or complain. Think of ways to improve the situation. Avoid phrases such as, “I can’t or “I’m too old.” Concentrate on your successes. Create a “success” collage that illustrate who you want to be and what you want to accomplish. View problems as challenges. Count your blessings.

- Look upon something unknown or different as an opportunity to challenge yourself. If you don't try something new how will you find out if you can do it?

- Note what you've learned from a negative experience. Indicate how it has made you stronger, wiser. Identify early clues you ignored, and what you'll do differently.

- Detect and dispute inaccurate thoughts and causal beliefs. Are you or your circumstances responsible for your beliefs? Are your beliefs based on fact or fallacy? Why or why not?

- Approach problems from different perspectives. Ask for feedback from people with diverse backgrounds. Take things out of their ordinary context and create new patterns for them. Notice the number of ways you can use eggs or milk cartons. Develop a playful, childlike curiosity. Ask questions, experiment.

- Don't take rejection personally. Understand that everyone is in a different 'space' and, in some cases, no matter what you say or do, they will always reject you or your ideas.

- Build strong support systems. These resources will help you get back up again when you've been knocked down. Social support boosts resilience, confidence and ability to manage stress.

- Notice and appreciate little joys and victories. Be grateful. Gratitude boosts health and well-being.

- Seek opportunities for learning and growth. These can boost self-reliance and decision-making which gives us confidence in our ability to bounce back. As a sense of competence increases, we are better able to respond effectively to unfamiliar or challenging situations and persevere in the face of challenges.

- Practice Mindfulness. Mindfulness is the awareness that arises when attending to the present moment. You notice what's happening as it is happens. Creative possibilities present themselves. You can shape your brain for greater happiness, love, wisdom, healthy relationships and whatever you desire.

Dr. Carole Kanchier, career and personal growth expert, shows how to bounce back in her award-winning, groundbreaking book, Questers Dare to Change Your Job and Life. A registered psychologist, coach, speaker, and columnist, Carole Kanchier consults world-wide. carole@questersdaretochange.com